Joe's Rambles
Friday, December 18, 2009
My story
Recently, I made a decision to rededicate my life to Christ. This has not been at all an easy decision to make. Nor is it a decision made in haste and without the proper introspection, reflection, and study of the issue.
In fact, this time two or three months ago I considered myself to be agnostic, if not outright atheist. When my son passed away earlier this year the very idea of God died for me too. There was no more need in my life for God nor did I ever want to consider Him again. What good would it do?
What good was the idea of God when my son was on his deathbed? What good was the idea of an all loving and merciful God to me when that very same God did nothing to heal my son? What good to me was the idea of an all powerful God when that same God seemed so powerless to stop the cancer than took my son's life? Or worse yet, what good was the idea of a good and benevolent God when that same God allowed such a cruel thing to happen to my 9 year old son?
For me the answer was "It is no good." God, as Nietzsche once said, was dead...and I killed Him. I killed the very idea of God. In my life, God would be dead. No longer would I look to the heavens in hope that some all powerful Being would notice me and take pity upon me...and help me. No longer would I concern myself with His will and how to walk in His path. No more. My life would be my own. I would be the ultimate authority in my life. In short, I would become my own god.
But, there was one small problem. I killed God...but God would not stay dead. In fact, God became more real to me than He has been in years. Through the tragedy my son and my family went through I have felt the Father pull me closer to Him. In spite of my hatred for Him, I have found the love of God to be ever more present.
I have been asked to share my story. That is something I am more than willing to do. More than anything I want to help point people to God and to the great salvation offered to us by Jesus Christ. That is what I will do here. I will share my story with you (and pray that somehow the story of my life, of my son, of my family) will point you to Christ and inspire you to walk in His steps.
In order to properly share my story I feel it incumbent upon me to start at the beginning. To skip the first 32 years of my life and jump to the most recent parts would be to do a great disservice to you and to God. This blog will tell the story of my life. I will start at the beginning and go from there.
It will not be a short story. It will take more than one or two posts. My posts will probably be long. But, I hope you are patient with me and I hope you will stick around to read these posts and to share your comments.
A note about this blog;s I have had it for around 3 years I guess. Some of the previous posts were written when I was away from God. Thus, the content you will find therein may be rough and the language salty. I will leave these posts up. I feel these posts are a part of my story. Reading back through them and reading the new post may show you the transformation that has indeed taken place in my life (through the grace of God the Father).
This is going to be a difficult story for me to share. There will be highs and lows. And I am sure many of the posts will be written by me as I wipe away tears from my eyes. But, for better or for worse I hope you come along on this ride with me.
Thank you and God bless you.
Joe
In fact, this time two or three months ago I considered myself to be agnostic, if not outright atheist. When my son passed away earlier this year the very idea of God died for me too. There was no more need in my life for God nor did I ever want to consider Him again. What good would it do?
What good was the idea of God when my son was on his deathbed? What good was the idea of an all loving and merciful God to me when that very same God did nothing to heal my son? What good to me was the idea of an all powerful God when that same God seemed so powerless to stop the cancer than took my son's life? Or worse yet, what good was the idea of a good and benevolent God when that same God allowed such a cruel thing to happen to my 9 year old son?
For me the answer was "It is no good." God, as Nietzsche once said, was dead...and I killed Him. I killed the very idea of God. In my life, God would be dead. No longer would I look to the heavens in hope that some all powerful Being would notice me and take pity upon me...and help me. No longer would I concern myself with His will and how to walk in His path. No more. My life would be my own. I would be the ultimate authority in my life. In short, I would become my own god.
But, there was one small problem. I killed God...but God would not stay dead. In fact, God became more real to me than He has been in years. Through the tragedy my son and my family went through I have felt the Father pull me closer to Him. In spite of my hatred for Him, I have found the love of God to be ever more present.
I have been asked to share my story. That is something I am more than willing to do. More than anything I want to help point people to God and to the great salvation offered to us by Jesus Christ. That is what I will do here. I will share my story with you (and pray that somehow the story of my life, of my son, of my family) will point you to Christ and inspire you to walk in His steps.
In order to properly share my story I feel it incumbent upon me to start at the beginning. To skip the first 32 years of my life and jump to the most recent parts would be to do a great disservice to you and to God. This blog will tell the story of my life. I will start at the beginning and go from there.
It will not be a short story. It will take more than one or two posts. My posts will probably be long. But, I hope you are patient with me and I hope you will stick around to read these posts and to share your comments.
A note about this blog;s I have had it for around 3 years I guess. Some of the previous posts were written when I was away from God. Thus, the content you will find therein may be rough and the language salty. I will leave these posts up. I feel these posts are a part of my story. Reading back through them and reading the new post may show you the transformation that has indeed taken place in my life (through the grace of God the Father).
This is going to be a difficult story for me to share. There will be highs and lows. And I am sure many of the posts will be written by me as I wipe away tears from my eyes. But, for better or for worse I hope you come along on this ride with me.
Thank you and God bless you.
Joe
posted by Joe at 6:51 PM
2 Comments:
Welcome home, Joe. This is a brave thing to do, and I know many will benefit. God bless you as you look for just the right words for your story. It has already blessed me.
Thank you Norma.
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